I’m like a Grenade, ready to explode!

So I hope you all had a nice holiday and I hope your all thinking about a New Year’s Resolution. Now Normally I would but the past couple of times they never come true but HOWEVER I’m gonna make one this time and mine’ll be to find a job. Oh Also I lost my Financial Aid for school because I dropped the two classes I was in but I was sick so I don’t know but I’ll have to talk to my school about it.

Anyways that’s not exactly why I am writing this blog. The real reason is because of my relationship with Anthony (the boyfriend,) I just feel like the only reason he’s with me is because he wants to have sex with me….well really a friend of mine told me that’s all he wants and I started to think maybe he’s right. I mean every time I ask him why does he love me his response is always the same Him: “Because your pretty” Me: “Is that the only reason?” Him: “Yes!” I mean COME on how can you base a relationship off of someone’s looks!!!! He doesn’t know anything about me except that I play video games like him but that’s about it! I mean he doesn’t even know when my birthday is and I know when his is I mean seriously COME ON! It’s like every time we talk it’s all about him and the stupid video games he wants and his family and making fun of me…that’s right I said he makes fun of me, he calls me all sorts of bad names and says it’s a term of endearment. Yeah sure it is! Oh yeah he also complains about his job SOOOOOO MUCH, its like really? If you hate your job so much then quit and find another job right? Oh yeah he also calls me lazy because I don’t have a job and its like it’s not my fault I don’t have a job I can’t MAKE someone give me a job ya know?

Well as my nameless friend says I’m a Gemini and we get bored with things easily and we don’t like to be lonely. Which is so true I do get bored easily and I don’t like to be lonely which he says [the friend] is the reason I am probably still with him. My friend also thinks that he wants to just get into my pants because of how early he started saying I love you to me so I don’t know. The other night to we had a phone conversation that also makes me think its over, Him: Are you not attracted to me? Me: (silence)…sorry I was distracted. (some of this might be out of sync can’t remember EVERYTHING) Me Again Sometime later I believe: So what if I’m not attracted to you? I’m not saying I’m not I’m just saying what if I’m not is that a problem? Him: I thought you loved me, I guess not Me: You can love someone and not have it mean anything…I don’t know. I said sometime during our convo: If I’m not attracted to you it’s not your fault its mine. Because really it’s not his fault I’m not attracted to him its my own. I just don’t know what to do!

I’d ask anyone who reads this to tell me what to do but then again no one can really control your relationship, and ultimately it has to be your decision what to do to protect your heart. I mean ok I like him and maybe a part of me does love him but I guess not in that way, I did but not anymore, I don’t know it is what it is. Well anyways I hope you all have a good New Year’s whether your alone or not I hope it’s still a good one. Bye!




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