You’re a Bully!

So June 2nd was kind of a bad day for me, my sister called and I was talking to her and it was fine until things took a turn for the worst and she said something that upset me. I’m glad she doesn’t read my blog otherwise she’d probably be pissed at me. So what happened was that she told me she wanted my father’s mother’s ring and said it’d be stupid to split it up, the reason for splitting it up is because my mom had the idea of taking some stones from that ring and from her mother’s ring and making me a ring to represent my name’s sake. I loved the idea of having a part of both my grandmother’s with me wherever I go but nope my sister said no. She can be so selfish sometimes I just want to slap her sometimes.

Then in at night it got worse with my younger brother, he has this attitude that he thinks he can do whatever and say whatever he wants just because he was in the military. He acts so rude to me and my older brother now my older brother (Marshall) now I can understand that because lets face it he’s hitting rock bottom soon but not to me. I cannot talk to my brother Kenneth at all because he belittles me and makes me feel stupid and so small.

I’m getting off topic so here’s what happened. I was sitting on my computer playing a game and I was talking to people and I CANNOT hear a thing with my headphones one and I couldn’t hear a thing with two loud fans going. So he slams my door open and starts yelling at me to come and talk to my mother so I said I was coming and he starts yelling at me about how some people need to work and how I don’t need my head phones on. I told him I listen to music in my room am I not allowed to.? He basically responded with a “If it means we have to knock and slam your door open to get your attention then NO!” I TRIED telling them I cannot hear with my headphones on and over a fan and he said I was making it up as an excuse when nope in reality I wasn’t because Allen (he has a screen name called Dustan Echos don’t ask…he’s my boyfriend) didn’t hear anyone knocking on my door.

Anyways my mom was yelling at us about keeping our doors open to cool off the house (which it doesn’t help to be honest) and she kept saying it over and over and over again like “We get it!”

Then I said something and my brother called me a Dumbass and then he started in on me and I said something along the lines of feeling like a failure for the past 10 years. He responded basically saying I am a failure and I need to be living in a situation like a failure…which didn’t help my self-esteem any. At that point I left the situation because I was screaming and my temper was getting out of control and I usually hit or throw something and I don’t want to be like that anymore so I said “I’m taking myself out of this situation.” And he was still going at me saying stuff like that’s my problem I never finish anything and that I should keep fighting.

What was my mother doing while this was going on you ask? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! She sat there and watched my brother belittle me.

My mother ALWAYS takes his side in EVERYTHING, I almost NEVER have anyone on my side. It upsets me so much that she takes his side when she KNOWS what I’ve been through the past 10 years because he hasn’t been there for most of what happened.

The title is befitting for this because I’ve been bullied my whole life and what hurts the most is not the bullies I’ve dealt with at school it’s when my own flesh and blood bullies me…that hurts the worse.

I cried that night and lucky for me I had Allen to try and comfort me. I don’t EVER want to talk to my younger brother again, I know that’s harsh but I can’t deal with him belittling me and making me feel so small and stupid. He needs help for his anger and his alcoholism problem that we know he has but no one is doing anything to help him.

I’m gonna end it here cause I just can’t deal with it anymore.