So June 2nd was kind of a bad day for me, my sister called and I was talking to her and it was fine until things took a turn for the worst and she said something that upset me. I’m glad she doesn’t read my blog otherwise she’d probably be pissed at me. So what happened was that she told me she wanted my father’s mother’s ring and said it’d be stupid to split it up, the reason for splitting it up is because my mom had the idea of taking some stones from that ring and from her mother’s ring and making me a ring to represent my name’s sake. I loved the idea of having a part of both my grandmother’s with me wherever I go but nope my sister said no. She can be so selfish sometimes I just want to slap her sometimes.
Then in at night it got worse with my younger brother, he has this attitude that he thinks he can do whatever and say whatever he wants just because he was in the military. He acts so rude to me and my older brother now my older brother (Marshall) now I can understand that because lets face it he’s hitting rock bottom soon but not to me. I cannot talk to my brother Kenneth at all because he belittles me and makes me feel stupid and so small.
I’m getting off topic so here’s what happened. I was sitting on my computer playing a game and I was talking to people and I CANNOT hear a thing with my headphones one and I couldn’t hear a thing with two loud fans going. So he slams my door open and starts yelling at me to come and talk to my mother so I said I was coming and he starts yelling at me about how some people need to work and how I don’t need my head phones on. I told him I listen to music in my room am I not allowed to.? He basically responded with a “If it means we have to knock and slam your door open to get your attention then NO!” I TRIED telling them I cannot hear with my headphones on and over a fan and he said I was making it up as an excuse when nope in reality I wasn’t because Allen (he has a screen name called Dustan Echos don’t ask…he’s my boyfriend) didn’t hear anyone knocking on my door.
Anyways my mom was yelling at us about keeping our doors open to cool off the house (which it doesn’t help to be honest) and she kept saying it over and over and over again like “We get it!”
Then I said something and my brother called me a Dumbass and then he started in on me and I said something along the lines of feeling like a failure for the past 10 years. He responded basically saying I am a failure and I need to be living in a situation like a failure…which didn’t help my self-esteem any. At that point I left the situation because I was screaming and my temper was getting out of control and I usually hit or throw something and I don’t want to be like that anymore so I said “I’m taking myself out of this situation.” And he was still going at me saying stuff like that’s my problem I never finish anything and that I should keep fighting.
What was my mother doing while this was going on you ask? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! She sat there and watched my brother belittle me.
My mother ALWAYS takes his side in EVERYTHING, I almost NEVER have anyone on my side. It upsets me so much that she takes his side when she KNOWS what I’ve been through the past 10 years because he hasn’t been there for most of what happened.
The title is befitting for this because I’ve been bullied my whole life and what hurts the most is not the bullies I’ve dealt with at school it’s when my own flesh and blood bullies me…that hurts the worse.
I cried that night and lucky for me I had Allen to try and comfort me. I don’t EVER want to talk to my younger brother again, I know that’s harsh but I can’t deal with him belittling me and making me feel so small and stupid. He needs help for his anger and his alcoholism problem that we know he has but no one is doing anything to help him.
I’m gonna end it here cause I just can’t deal with it anymore.
I know it’s be a very long time since I last made a post, but I was busy trying to find a job well I got my job back at Best Buy for the season and then I lost it so now I am once again unemployed. I just don’t know what to do anymore it’s like no one wants to keep me, I do an excellent job I show up on time I do what’s asked of me and yet I still don’t get to keep a job. It’s really bad I don’t even have money to go to school again so I’m official ANOTHER year behind. I just don’t know what I’m going to do!
I’ve got that feeling like I’m spinning out of control and I can’t stop. The only person that keeps me grounded is my boyfriend Allen, I think without him I’d be lost. He’s my everything and he’s gotten me through some tough times and I cherish every moment I can spend with him when he comes to visit me. It was a special moment for us because we got to spend Christmas and New Year’s together, it made the holidays tolerable.
Well moving on, a friend of mine has inspired me to do something I don’t normally do, she’s working on a fanfic of a show we both love and it’s making me want to write. I have a somewhat wild imagination and I can do creative writing but I get such horrible writer’s block that I often don’t finish what I start. Though I am going to start on this, this year and I’ve started a story on my own and I’m thinking that maybe I’ll post that here. It’ll give me something to do while I try and find a new job.
So stay tune for an entry from a book I’m writing.
I feel as though I’m spinning out of control most days. It’s not something I like to feel but what can I do? I mean so far things have been going pretty well I have a job and I love it except for stupid customers but you get that everywhere I suppose. Things with Allen are going okay, but I miss him so much that it hurts, I just can’t live without him and even though I’m doing it now it still makes my heart hurts. I just hope he can move here soon enough. Though I’ve had other things to make my heart hurt, about a month ago we had to put down my beloved dog A.J. I miss him everyday but he was an old dog and it was time for him to go even if it still hurts. We’ve also lost a cat as well, he got out and we think he was either killed by a car or some kids might’ve killed him. He was a cute little kitten and we miss him everyday and wished that he’s still alive and he comes home soon…though we fear he wont.
Just all the pain and loss is a lot for one person to take in a year isn’t it? I mean I may not even get to go to school and I have no money all the time and I just can’t take it anymore. Though what choice do I have?
Also I realized today when I was watching t.v. that a year ago my sister’s dog bit my upper lip which resulted in me having stitches. It’s better now but I can still remember that day.
Well as this tornado keeps spinning out of control I leave you all…
So it’s been awhile since I’ve posted I’ve been busy which is true I have been I have been working and school. Well now I only have school I got fired on this fine April day…though I guess it’s not fine since I got fired. I was working for the flooring and decoritive tile place and it was going fine and then all of a sudden it wasn’t so they fired me and now I’m back to being unemployed but I am going to try and get my job back at Best Buy I left them on good terms so hopefully they’ll accept me back. The only good news I have is that my boyfriend is coming to see me in June, though we wont be able to do much if I don’t have a job by then. I’m just not doing good today so I think I’ll end it here, goodbye everyone.
I want to apologize for not updating since like Jan. I’ve been busy working and school and practically getting fired from my new job…yeah I know! So let me get things straight before I start going off like I normally do, I left Best Buy last month because I kept asking them if I was going to be kept on and I kept getting the run around an no one would give me a straight answer so I started looking for a new job and I found one. I was looking on career builder and found a job for a place called Floor and Décor so I applied and I got the job. Yupe its in my field even though I’m a cashier but still, anyways it’s been hell, I keep getting in trouble for the most stupid things ever and its like are they trying to get me to quit? I was telling the boy (Allen) that I should’ve stayed at Best Buy, but if this place fires me I think I can get my job back at Best Buy mainly because I didn’t leave on a sour note so that’s good.
Moving on, my sister’s boyfriend left the house. I’m not quite sure what happened but one night everyone was just yelling for whatever reason I could not tell you. I was just talking to my boyfriend on Skype and all of a sudden my sister just started yelling at my younger brother. It was Monday night and I work somewhat early ever Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday and they were still yelling at like 1am central time, anyways I go down to tell them to shut up so I can get to sleep my sister’s boyfriend yelled at me and I asked nicely. Like WTF? Whatever.
So Friday night I had to move my car because my sister needed to go somewhere whatever! My mom had parked behind me and I didn’t know it I couldn’t see her car on the side of mine so I thought someone had used it and I was wrong and backed into her car…she starts going off on me when HELLO MOTHER YOU PARKED IN MY BLIND SPOT! Whatever!
Ok enough ranting and onto why I titled this blog the way I did!
So I’ve been asked by the boyfriend a lot if its June yet? I keep telling him “No honey it’s not.”
Reason why? HE’S COMING FOR MY BIRTHDAY!
Yupe he’s going to come and visit me for my birthday and I’m super excited…I just wish it was June already I can’t wait to have him hold me in his arms and kiss me again.
He’s so sweet the other night on Skype we were talking about getting a place together, I asked him if he would really get a place with me and he said “Believe me I want to get a place with you.”
Is that not the sweetest thing ever? I love him so much and I hate we’re states apart…Le Sigh!
WHY CAN’T IT BE JUNE ALREADY HURRY UP JUNE I WANT MY BABY!
lol end of rants and I’m off to go be me.
I wanted to make a little update for my boy Allen, it’ll be one year this year that we’ve been together and even though we’re 1,082 miles apart our hearts are still with each other so here’s a poem for him…*whispers* and he doesn’t know I write poetry.
You are my Love…My Life!
Allen, you are my love..my life
The one who makes me laugh for no reason
Someone I can cry to
And even though we’re miles apart our hearts our always together
Because you’re my love…my life
And when we’re together its electricity
Its unlike anything I’ve ever felt before and I love it
So take my hand and my heart because baby
You’re my love…My life!
I know it’s short but I don’t always write lengthy poems.
I haven’t been able to update this blog for a while due to trying to register for classes and working…I’m still working at Best Buy so hopefully that’ll last for a while or until I find something better.
Anyways since this is a new post of the year I want to talk about something new…well not new as this person was a friend of mine before we had a falling out but we’re friends again.
I wont go into all the gory details about our falling out….however I might’ve on a previous post which was probably not the right thing to do at the time but I was angry, upset, and hurt that she would treat me this way. So how we became friends again is that we work at the same place (no she doesn’t work at Best Buy with me) I’ve mentioned before that I play second life a virtual world game that you can do just about anything your pretty little heart desires…anyways we both work at this gaming place where you can host well she imed me and I imed her at the same time and we hashed things out.
I think because we did that we’re better friends than we were, we have the same likes and dislikes were both..um how should I put this? We’re both…naughty?
I’ve missed her terrible over the almost two years we were apart and I must tell you I’ve never had that happened to me unless you count this jerk I knew in high school but that’s a different story and he was never really my friend anyways. Well okay I should strike that last comment I have had falling out with friends but it wasn’t as bad as this one. However you live and let learn and hopefully it wont ever happen again..
*gives her the evil stare* hehe.
Well enjoy your weekend and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.